Sharks
20 hours ago
Friday, November 20, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Lovester
Tonight, my parents prepared lobsters for dinner.
I was working on a big claw, and it cracked open suddenly, which (none of the following is exaggerated) resulted in really hot, frothy, white lobster substance ejecting somewhat violently from the claw, splattering on my hand, arm, shirt, and face.
The real tragedy is that I was in the company of my parents, grandmother, sister, and brother-in-law, i.e. no one with whom to make a dirty joke about it. Which makes me kinda sad.
Supplementary Material
The title of this blog entry comes from a word joke (I was going to call it a pun, but it isn't really) that my Filipino friend at Price Chopper, Peter, once said to me. The store was selling lobsters as a special sale, and I guess maybe due to his Filipino accent, Peter had trouble differentiating between the 'b' and 'v' sounds? So to him, "lobster" sounds like "lovester." So, as a [pretty lame] joke, he asked me, "Are you going to buy a hate-ster?"
But I'm a big fan of lame jokes, and appreciated it all the same.
I was working on a big claw, and it cracked open suddenly, which (none of the following is exaggerated) resulted in really hot, frothy, white lobster substance ejecting somewhat violently from the claw, splattering on my hand, arm, shirt, and face.
The real tragedy is that I was in the company of my parents, grandmother, sister, and brother-in-law, i.e. no one with whom to make a dirty joke about it. Which makes me kinda sad.
Supplementary Material
The title of this blog entry comes from a word joke (I was going to call it a pun, but it isn't really) that my Filipino friend at Price Chopper, Peter, once said to me. The store was selling lobsters as a special sale, and I guess maybe due to his Filipino accent, Peter had trouble differentiating between the 'b' and 'v' sounds? So to him, "lobster" sounds like "lovester." So, as a [pretty lame] joke, he asked me, "Are you going to buy a hate-ster?"
But I'm a big fan of lame jokes, and appreciated it all the same.
Monday, November 2, 2009
Serial Testickicker in Langley, BC
I just read an article about this 22 year old guy in BC who was randomly kicked by a strange woman.
In the balls.
Really hard.
So hard that, afterwards, he realised that one of his balls was MISSING.
According to the article, the doctors first thought that his ball had gone up INSIDE HIM from the sheer force of the kick, which is fucking brutal already. They later discovered that it had, in fact, RUPTURED. OH GOD.
Apparently there have been several similar incidents in recent weeks, and police are investigating.
I wonder if hero cops are arguing about this.
"I'M heading the Serial Ballkicker case, NOT YOU, MURPHY."
In the balls.
Really hard.
So hard that, afterwards, he realised that one of his balls was MISSING.
According to the article, the doctors first thought that his ball had gone up INSIDE HIM from the sheer force of the kick, which is fucking brutal already. They later discovered that it had, in fact, RUPTURED. OH GOD.
Apparently there have been several similar incidents in recent weeks, and police are investigating.
I wonder if hero cops are arguing about this.
"I'M heading the Serial Ballkicker case, NOT YOU, MURPHY."
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
No more keeping my thumb on the headphone jack
My old iPod was fucking up real bad so I got a new MP3 player today.
Actually I ordered it weeks ago, but somehow it only just arrived today. THANKS, FUTURE SHOP. This thing isn't an iPod, so it was relatively inexpensive.
I had this next part written in a paragraph, but then I decided to organize it so it is quick and easy to read, and less boring.
Things I am not looking forward to with this MP3 Player:
I think I might organise my blogs in this manner from now on. Here are some reasons for and against this.
Pros:
Actually I ordered it weeks ago, but somehow it only just arrived today. THANKS, FUTURE SHOP. This thing isn't an iPod, so it was relatively inexpensive.
I had this next part written in a paragraph, but then I decided to organize it so it is quick and easy to read, and less boring.
Things I am not looking forward to with this MP3 Player:
- Transferring my MP3s from iTunes to whatever this MP3 player wants me to use
- 4x the storage of my old iPod (which, sadly, really only means 4 gigs)
- It plays movies!
- NOT FUCKING UP (hopefully) LIKE MY iPOD
I think I might organise my blogs in this manner from now on. Here are some reasons for and against this.
Pros:
- Can be read more easily and quickly
- Less writing for me
- Writing skills will likely deteriorate
- Lack of anecdotal writing may prove uninteresting
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Weird Dreams I've Been Having Lately
- attending some kind of Chinese Mafia wedding
- being chased through Chinatown by a guy who was pretty much like the Russell Wong character in Romeo Must Die
- stealing a bus, abandoning it at Sherbourne/Dundas, walking away casually
- hot dirty dream featuring sexy goth triplets
- video of Jocelyn and me doing bad karaoke hits the Internet, turning us into Youtube celebrities
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Blue Niiiight
Tonight, while heading home on the bus, Mark and I sat down next to this drunk Aboriginal-looking dude in an M. Bison costume. He was saying something to me, but I didn't immediately understand what it was that he was saying.
It sounded like, "Cool off." I thought he wanted me to move away from him because I was sitting too close. "Cool off," he said again.
After a couple of minutes, I realised he had said, "Cool outfit." But I had taken too long to understand him and it was far too late to say, "Thank you," so I didn't. I felt kinda bad. Partly because I had failed to acknowledge him, and partly because my outfit was not that cool.
He later got off the bus, and in the vacant seat he left next to me, Mark and I spied a small puddle, complemented by additional drops of liquid. Mark convinced me that it was vomit, over my original hypothesis that perhaps it was urine. I prefer to believe it was puke, but not by a lot.
It sounded like, "Cool off." I thought he wanted me to move away from him because I was sitting too close. "Cool off," he said again.
After a couple of minutes, I realised he had said, "Cool outfit." But I had taken too long to understand him and it was far too late to say, "Thank you," so I didn't. I felt kinda bad. Partly because I had failed to acknowledge him, and partly because my outfit was not that cool.
He later got off the bus, and in the vacant seat he left next to me, Mark and I spied a small puddle, complemented by additional drops of liquid. Mark convinced me that it was vomit, over my original hypothesis that perhaps it was urine. I prefer to believe it was puke, but not by a lot.
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