B.P.D. Show

2012-01-30T16:33:00.002-05:00

Good times on FB chat

2011-12-23T01:43:00.004-05:00

I just had the strangest dream where I was in a gym class led by Conor Oberst. He was making us do push-ups and jumping-jacks in the snow, and it was super brutal! He was being really mean to everyone but then he started to be nice to me because he could see that I was GIVING IT MY ALL AND IT WAS TAKING A TOLL ON MY BODY BUT I WASN'T GIVING UP.

COOL BEANS/SHOWS

2011-11-03T15:13:00.002-04:00

This is made with JELLYBEANS, NEAT.

Lunar has some shows coming up:

November 20 at the Central
December 7 at Rancho Relaxo
December 23, location TBA

Velvet Underground last nite

2011-10-20T10:39:00.003-04:00

1) My frands are the best. I want to hug all of them for ever, actually.

2) Lunar will maybe have some bass happening soon, maybe.

3) We got messages from the Lonely Vagabond fella who was apparently at our show last night? And um, he approves of us, enough to find us on Facebook. Actually, he said he loves our stuff and gave us a couple of leads for possible shows. FEELS REAL GOOD.

I feel gross this morning and I didn't play my best, but I am happy with how this moon piano maintenance crew is going.

Free Times Cafe, Tuesday September 13, 8:30 p.m.

2011-09-08T00:39:00.003-04:00

This is when Lunar Piano Tuner's first show is happening.

If you are reading this, I would like for you to be present.

I em stoked.

Free Times Cafe is located at 320 College Street.

Nipple Skulls Boy vs. Erection in the Shower Boy

2011-08-04T13:25:00.000-04:00

I got a cheap tremolo pedal on eBay.

My guitar is being repaired and I am anxious to get it back so I can play with my new toy.

I want to get a cool Boss loopy thing also. LOOPING.

I've never been excited about guitar pedals before but I am now. Eeep.

I just found an unpublished entry from June 17:

"I had a funny dream where I was dancing to brassy music with Zooey Deschanel in my basement. It was amazing, obviously."

This was the whole entry. I wish I could remember more. Sounds like a good time was had, although I don't remember having to sneak the sheets down to the washer when I woke up, so how good could it have been? You tease, Zooey.

They taught us all about wet dreams - which are also called "nocturnal emissions," if you want to be all proper about it - in elementary school. I don't remember what they said, but there was a pamphlet called "Changes" that they gave to us kids. It was brilliant. There was a section with questions that were purportedly from REAL KIDS, who asked things like, "In the gym shower, I noticed that Charlie has a bigger penis than me. Does that make him more of a man than I am?" It was also full of lies like, "all penises are about the same length when they are erect," and, "don't worry if you have a boner teepee in your trousers, nobody else will even notice." What a crock!

This reminds me of an incident where, on a class camping trip in sixth grade, I was lined up for the shower and had a boner FOR NO REASON I SWEAR. Anyway it was very apparent because I was wrapped in only a towel (so it wasn't like wearing jeans, in which case you can blame the folding of the denim) and I had to choose between standing up straight and hoping nobody would notice my perpendicular pal, or bending over awkwardly in order to conceal, which would almost be more telling. I think I went back and forth nervously between the two options. Luckily, my classmates and teacher were distracted by the temporary skull tattoos that I had, in a moment that was at once devoid of foresight yet ultimately a good decision, applied to my nipples several days prior to the beginning of the trip. So I was known as nipple skulls boy rather than erection in the shower boy, which I think is a good compromise, in terms of things you want to be called in sixth grade.

2011-06-19T22:14:00.003-04:00

Last night, I received maybe the best compliment of all time from Nicole, a friend of Anne's who'd heard our recent recordings. Upon being introduced, she shook my hand and told me, "You sound like M. Ward!" You don't get compared to your hero every day.

"What's gwannin', Owen?"

2011-05-23T01:36:00.004-04:00

If you were to ask me, I might answer with the following bullet points:

Lunar Piano Tuner has changed substantially; it now includes the musical talents of Anne Tong, and we are both pretty excited about it. Related ish is ongoing. Possibly mo people. POSSIBLY. Meantime, please have a gander if you haven't yet: http://listn.to/lunarpianotuner
It seems that this blog is where I admit to reading things that are not appropriate for my age: I've totally been reading the Hunger Games books, and they are fucking rad. Was up til 6 this morning, reading. No kidding. Don't make fun of me. Main character is a badass girl - deadeye with a longbow. Come on. That's cool as hell. So stoked to see Woody Harrelson act like a drunk asshole in the movies. I am on book three, ok? No spoilers please.
I've been appointed director of a segment of a comedic short film some school chums want to shoot over the summer. For now I've said yes, but I'm unsure whether I really want to do it. I'm not super interested in it, but maybe that will change.

Scary

2011-01-26T01:12:00.002-05:00

I had a really terrifying bout of sleep paralysis last night.

I awoke about half an hour after I had fallen asleep, and realised that I couldn't move any part of me, but I could see my bedroom. I was able to see my hands, but not able to move them. I was really panicked, and it felt like I was in this state for maybe fifteen minutes, but it's entirely possible that it was only one or two.

I can't adequately describe the fear to someone who has never experienced sleep paralysis, but it's this overwhelming, panicked dreading that something awful is about to happen, and no matter how many times it happens, it always scares the hell out of me.

The really bizarre part was that after a while, I guess I slipped into an actual dream, and all of a sudden I was in this strange room I'd never seen before. I thought, "Oh great, now something really scary is going to happen," and then this life-sized porcelain doll with freaky eyes appeared. I feel like it attacked me, but it may have just stood there being scary.

After this, I woke up fully, limbs and all. I had some milk and didn't want to go back to sleep because I was afraid it would happen again. I considered playing a Frasier DVD on my laptop next to my bed, and keeping my face pointed at it, because, I reasoned, nothing bad can happen when Frasier is playing. But then I grew fearful that I would see the screen and experience demonic Frasier hallucinations during sleep paralysis, which would freak me the fuck out, because a haunted TV that you can't turn off is seriously scary as hell. So I just dozed off again.

Sleep paralysis hit at least once more after this. It sucked again.

hello, Kitten

2010-10-04T00:40:00.004-04:00

The other day, while I was walking to the bus stop to go to work, a little black kitten appeared. It ran in front of me and then stopped, and stood a few feet ahead of me. I walked past it, and then it darted up in front of me and stopped again. Is this kitten following me? But pretending to lead? I decided to turn around and walk in the opposite direction, and see what kitten would do then. Kitten did the same thing when I walked in the opposite direction. I petted him a bit. But I had to go to work, so I turned again and continued to the bus stop. After a certain point, about thirty or so meters ahead of a main road, kitten stopped following me, but mewed loudly over and over again, until I was too far to hear kitten.

On the way to work, I thought, what if kitten followed me home? I could keep it, and get cat food from Price Chopper, and maybe put an old sweater in a shoebox and that could be kitten's bed, and maybe I could name him Sebastian if kitten is a boy, or Morgan if kitten is a girl, so wouldn't have to keep calling him or her 'kitten' like a retard, and oh I would need a litter box, and maybe a little tub for when kitten needs a bath eventually.

I've been making excuses to walk down that street where kitten followed me, when I have had no reason to go there, in case I might see it again, but I haven't yet. He probably belongs to somebody, but I liked his company very much.

In conclusion, I want a kitten.

2010-07-18T21:54:00.002-04:00

My mom is having a karaoke party downstairs with her sisters and brother.
There are more people in the basement playing Mahjong.
It is super Chinesey in my house RIGHT NOW.

2010-07-13T01:45:00.001-04:00

I saw a large black man on the bus, wearing a t-shirt that said, "DON'T HOLLA," in huge letters, and below this, "I'm not your boy."

2010-06-14T22:31:00.000-04:00

See you in a while, ponytail!

Serial

2010-06-13T23:45:00.001-04:00

In my cupboard, there are boxes of Reese Puffs, Cap'n Crunch, Post Selects, Kellogg's Corn Flakes, and Sugar Crisp cereals. They aren't really getting eaten. My grandma just buys things that are on sale sometimes, so now we have a whole lot of breakfast cereals.

My sister Alison says she won't ever get kids' cereals for her kids.

Not even Lucky Charms? I said. Come on.

So when she has kids, I think I'm going to sneak them some fun cereal now and then. Sneaky Uncle Owen.

2010-06-10T01:36:00.002-04:00

I fucking love M. Ward. I was embarrassed to say this before, but a couple of weeks ago, I had a dream about M. Ward. We went to the bar, and he gave me hugs. It was a good, manly time.

In the waking world, I was at the She & Him show tonight, and people cheered every time M. Ward sang. That made my night.

2010-05-22T11:54:00.003-04:00

This god damn kids' book, Bridge to Terabithia, has really upset me, and I'm embarrassed to admit just how much.
I am emotionally immature.

Lots of parentheses today

2010-05-17T17:55:00.007-04:00

On Sunday, May helped me sign up for open mic at Supermarket, which was really very awesome of her to take the time to do that - it was apparently a more complex process than I had first thought. It was cool, people were actually watching/listening, even though it was about 2 a.m. by the time I actually got on. I thought I was too tired to be nervous but I was wrong haha. Still fun!

Prior to playing, a pretty drunk ('pretty' here can describe her appearance or her drunkenness - both are accurate) British girl began playing with my ponytail (this is not a euphemism for something else) and running her hands through my hair. So we spoke a bit but I had a hard time understanding her due to the volume of the music and her thick English accent. Later, while drunkenly putting her arms around me (I know, right? HELLO!), she said something like, "I feel safe," which, for a moment, made me feel like The Man, but when she repeated herself, I realised that I had misheard her: "I feel sick." God damn it. The moral of this story is, when drunk lady starts getting all up on ya, be prepared to dodge projectile vomit.
No, I'm kidding - I wasn't sprayed, but I suspect that some puking did take place later.

I'm currently in my second week of semester 2 of television. There are a lot of projects up ahead, and it is somewhat daunting. I'm doing a children's literature class as an elective, so I have to read kids' novels. I feel a little embarrassed on the bus, reading this book intended for 12 year olds. I'm actually really enjoying it too, but the back cover already told me something tragic is going to happen, and it's obviously coming up soon so I'm dreading it. Kind of lame. What if your life had a back cover synopsis that spoiled all the major events? Jeez.

I've been doing way more reading in general lately, but mostly not for school stuff. Actually I've been starting books and not finishing them, which is probably a bad thing. I've been working on Life of Pi on and off for like half a year. All I hear is good things about it, so I feel ashamed for being unable to get into it.
I just finished a book entitled Life With Billy, which was not particularly well-written, but details a really interesting case from the 1980s in which a Canadian woman, after suffering years of unbelievable spousal abuse (seriously, this guy was a monster), blows her husband's head off with a shotgun. It exploded, literally. Rad. But it sure didn't fix her life, poor lady. Check out this book if you get a chance, but feel free to skip the boring parts.

I just accidentally napped for three hours, from 7 to 10, and I am a little sad about it.

How to win an election

2010-05-10T02:44:00.004-04:00

I wanted to play open mic at Supermarket tonight, but I found out that they start sign-up at 5:00 p.m. and you can only sign up in person, so since I work every Sunday until 6:30, there's no way for me to ever get a timeslot before like, 1:30 at night or so. Boo. I'm more than a little disappointed.

I went anyway, and saw/heard some pretty cool stuff. And um... one pretty lame thing. An Asian boy and girl went up and like, I don't know, I think they hooked their iPod up to the speakers and basically sang karaoke? Whatever. The girl also did her own thing where she played her keytar and sang, which was ok.

This is common knowledge, but keytars get people really EXCITED. Like, if you're ever running for office, seriously, bust out a keytar during the debate or press conference or whatever. You will win. You don't even have to play it. Just wear it, and you will be the fucking mayor, no contest.

I feel like I've gotten mosquito bites in the past half hour. And I've been only in my bedroom. I really hope I'm wrong.

2010-04-30T16:09:00.002-04:00

I just found some old Pez dispensers in my room. One of them, Darth Vader, still had Pez in it. I did not know that Pez could get moldy. Fucking gross!

Deleted Scenes, Part 2

2010-04-17T16:20:00.003-04:00

Continued from earlier post:

Jan.8 2010: "My brother-in-law recently told me that he has a friend who is dating a girl, and her identical twin sister is dating the guy's best friend. THAT IS NUTS. I would watch this if it was a show. But actually no. It would probably be one of those crappy ones that gets cancelled after half a season, never mind."
Feb. 21 2010: "...some ladies were totally into my dance moves tonight. I hadn't even gotten to my Russian jig yet at this point, either. They may have been completely messing with me..." Protip: I was also wearing my Star Trek uniform shirt. Ladies love that shit, obvs.
Feb. 24 2010: On this day, a friend asked me, out of the blue, if I thought she was "overly emotional." Honest answer was yes. After hesitating a moment, I told her so, which - surprise - resulted in an irrational response: "I AM emotional, but I am also reasonable." I was then told not to respond to this self-appraisal unless I agreed with it. Point proven?
March 19 2010: "This ice cream is supposed to have brownie bits and cookie dough, but I am not finding any brownie." Was still really good. My favourite ice cream, I think.
March 29 2010: "There's this awesome girl who was in my class in winter semester of last year, and I still have her on Facebook, and every time she makes a status update, I'm more convinced she was like, MY FRIGGEN..." the next words were going to be 'soul mate', and then I thought, I feel super fucking creepy, and closed the browser. Rad girl moved back to London, ON.

My teacher called Mao Zedong's wife a bitch

2010-04-15T23:15:00.003-04:00

Besides exams, today I am finished with semester 1 of Broadcast Television.

My final project was a short documentary about my father and his experiences in China in the 60s. I didn't want to dub over his Cantonese, so it was a lot of subtitles, ha ha ha. It was screened this morning in class, and I was a little afraid that my dad would look ridiculous, because he can be kind of loud and obnoxious when he is speaking, but it was very well received. I saw at least one person stand up to applaud afterward. He was probably half-kidding, but it was still great to get that kind of reaction.
I realised later that I am a bit of a narcissist. I loved the applause and compliments, but had little to say about the other projects, except for the ones that were really funny, or had exceptionally pretty shots.

But I really, really like editing movies and stuff.

So, except for exams, I'm off of school until May 11.
I think I want to write and record songs, and maybe play some open mic (if I can get rid of this god damn cold!), and read, and watch movies, and get some shirts.

And get drunk with YOU!
Is that possible?

Deleted Scenes

2010-04-02T23:53:00.003-04:00

I was just looking through my list of entries on this blog, and there is a surprising number of "drafts," where I just started writing and didn't end up publishing the entry. Here are some of them:

January 18/09 - "Charles Horse," in which I describe a couple of really bad mornings when I woke up to my leg seizing up in pain (I still think the title is funny)
January 24/09 - "I think I might have dreamt that I killed my mother."
January 25/09 - "Breast Milk," in which I describe an incident where Dorian was laughing and barfing at the same time
April 7/09 - I describe waiting TWO HOURS (literally) for a bus. If you know a bus is coming in two hours, it's ok, but waiting and not knowing where the fuck it is for two hours is infuriating. Especially if it's past midnight in St. Catharines and you are trying to get home to Scarborough.
September 15/09 - "I don't have time to be upset about Patrick Swayze, I'm still dwelling on Heath Ledger. YEAH, I know it was almost two years ago, just let me deal with it. OK? GOD." STILL TRUE.
January 15/10 - I describe an incident at work where one of my bosses, a Chinese gynecologist, needed me to help her test out her new colposcope, an instrument that kinda looks like a telescope that is for examining the vagina. I was asked to hold a cardboard tube up to the colposcope in order to vaguely simulate the vaginal opening. My other boss, an English gynecologist, walks in and sees what we are doing, and asks, "Oh, is Owen being the vagina?" with her English accent. "Owen is the vagina!"
February 22/10 - "When I was little, I thought that Will Smith was saying 'In West Philadelphia, born IN RAGE' in the Fresh Prince theme song."

There's actually more, but this is all for now.

Funny Boy

2010-03-22T23:57:00.003-04:00

Dorian is funny. He is not talking yet, but you can ask him, "Dorian, where is your head?" and he will look at you and put his hand on his head, or you can ask him, "Dorian, where is your belly?" and he will pull up his shirt and show you his stomach.

BONJOUR, voici les thoughts of the jour garcon, mettez your bras dans le air.

2010-03-14T03:48:00.000-04:00

I'd like to state for the record that the previous blog was about Carey Mulligan. I have seen none of her work, and I only know she is cute as hell. I do not have a crush on Shia LaBeouf or fantasies about fighting him naked on a mountainside.

During the winter, I always get sick of the cold and the grey, and I get all excited for the warm weather to come back. Every year, I somehow manage to forget that it isn't all sunshine and unicorn farts, and it gets grey and rainy and dull and depressing in springtime too. Arghghhrhh.

After seeing Emma Stone in Superbad and Zombieland, I thought she was super hot, and checked out her IMDB page to make sure that she was, you know, an appropriate age for me to be having inappropriate thoughts about (yup I'm sleazy, deal with it). Turns out she is. But after examining numerous photographs of her, I've concluded that it's unfortunately entirely possible that she'll kind of look like Fergie once she reaches Fergie's age. So even though 68 is a long way off for Ms. Stone, it does kind of ruin everything.

I don't like being around high levels of cynicism and negativity, if I can help it. I usually can. It doesn't even make me feel sad anymore; it's just really tiresome. Above all else, I hate being bored. I think most people do.

Tonight, a man on the subway projectile vomited, spewed all over the wall and some seats. His buddies leapt up in order to dodge. It was only about 9:40 pm. My first instinct was to glare at him for being GROSS, but then I realised, I have been there. I have been the gross subway guy. Except not at 9:40 pm, and I'm fairly certain that my friends took care of me. I don't remember if they had to dodge my friendly fire.

Somebody left some Babybels in my fridge. I love Somebody.

2010-03-08T00:13:00.002-05:00

So, the list of actresses I want to get with has increased yet again. Shia LaBeouf, I will fight you.

Flying solo

2010-03-04T03:05:00.003-05:00

I had a really awesome night.

For the past several months, I've been wanting to play some songs at an open mic thing somewhere downtown. What kept happening was, evening would arrive, and I would find some reason to not go - it's raining, snowing, too cold, I am tired, I have school tomorrow. Tonight I kind of just forced myself to get down there and do it. I went, just myself, to Ein-Stein, which holds an open mic show every Wednesday. I am glad that I did.

I walked in feeling like a complete loser, not sure where to sit down, or what to drink, or where to set down my guitar. I walked up to the bar and the man behind it asked me what I wanted; a young guy beside me recommended the house brew, and introduced himself. He explained that he was an American ex-marine who had deserted because he didn't believe in the war he was being asked to fight, and sought asylum in Canada. I was skeptical at first, but he turned out to be a really nice guy, and actually sat and talked with me for most of the night. We played some pool and he asked me to be his wingman to chat up a couple of girls, but I told him that I didn't know how to do that. I wasn't drunk enough.

In between open mic acts, the host was asking trivia questions, and when the category shifted to Simpsons trivia, I was like, "I GOT THIS" in a rare moment of self-assured cockiness. And I was right! For knowing the Simpsons guest roles of Jon Lovitz, Danny DeVito, and ... a bunch of others I no longer remember, I won a fleece jacket with a Grolsch logo on it. Not too shabby!

After kicking Simpsons-trivia ass, it was my turn to play. My time on stage felt unremarkable, because mostly everyone was drinking, drunk, and/or not really paying attention, so there wasn't really much energy to feed off of. But it was my first time on stage in years (and the last time was like, one song with Matt, so that barely even counts really), and my first time ever playing on my own. I had fun, and my new friend told me he enjoyed my songs, and that he could see that I put a lot of heart into it. I hope he was being sincere. I choose to believe that he was.

My new friend then asked me to again accompany him in talking to a pair of girls. At this point, I had had a little more to drink so I went along with it. It was surprisingly fun! I met a psychology student from the States who came here for spring break. We talked about life and music (we actually had some favourites in common!) and travelling and ... look, I know this isn't that interesting, but seriously, I have never ever gone up to talk to a random girl before. It really was a big thing for me, and the fact that we actually connected was just the most wonderful feeling.

I really thought I was just going to be a loner tonight - walk in, play, have a pint and leave. Instead, I had an absolute blast. I still can't believe it. I think I feel better than I have felt in a long time.

Good night :)

2010-02-21T22:04:00.002-05:00

If you ever find yourself thinking that it is a good idea to be having a mixture of plain yogurt, a slice of processed cheese, a can of 3-months-past-expiry refried beans, and a dollop of salsa...
You might just be drunk.

i penis huckabees

2010-01-25T23:53:00.002-05:00

Until very recently, my sister Trudy did not know that when people typed less-than symbol with a 3, it was supposed to be a heart (I would type it out but the HTML apparently won't recognise it, which is really annoying). In fact, she was under the impression that less-than-3 was meant to be a penis and set of balls. Here are some choice Trudy quotations from a recent chat with her in which we discussed this misunderstanding:

"why the hell is everyone doing these penises ???"
"i REALLY thought it was a penis...doesn't it look like one ? like w balls"
"i was like, 'jeez people are getting really vulgar nowadays'"

Oh, Trudy. <3
(it works here for some reason)

2010-01-15T16:54:00.004-05:00

I think I've maybe watched the Jimmy Kimmel show a grand total of 0.02 times. He might be really funny, I have no idea, but I've just never paid that much attention to his show.
That being said, the following clip makes my heart all warm and stuff.

2010-01-08T03:48:00.002-05:00

I start school next week. What I don't like about my schedule is that I start at 8 on Wednesdays and Thursdays. HOWEVER, I really do like my schedule because I finish at 10:45 a.m. on Thursdays, and have Fridays off. Pretty sweet weekend deal.

I think my brain is getting stupid. Lately I find myself making bizarre typing errors. I'll start typing the word "notice" with a K and realise that that's completely wrong. This seems minor but I've been knoticing it more and more lately.

β-Carotene

2010-01-03T19:46:00.001-05:00

I like this song because it is friendly. Also it kind of makes me think of Lenny for some reason, ha ha ha

Trouble!

2009-12-06T19:58:00.004-05:00

Today, the man at work who has schizophrenia wrote a letter for the boss. The boss was not in, so the letter was left pinned up in the office. It was not a nice letter. In fact, it was a threatening letter. The man with schizophrenia felt that the boss had been criticizing his work performance behind his back. Basically, it was three pages of messy kid-writing that ended with, "I will straighten you out real good. Love, Michael." I'm totally serious.

2009-12-02T22:08:00.002-05:00

I was just leaving a comment on Darren's blog, and the CAPTCHA word was "suctic" haw haw haw. But then a strange thing happened. It changed as soon as the page finished loading. It was like it knew that I was laughing at its unintentional vulgarity and said, "F you, Owen, that's immature."

JGL = my hero

2009-11-23T02:46:00.004-05:00

Seriously, I've been watching JGL videos on Youtube for half an hour. This one is insane.

Edit: One more :)

I have a massive crush on Megahn Perry.

2009-11-20T02:11:00.000-05:00

That's all.

Lovester

2009-11-15T19:44:00.005-05:00

Tonight, my parents prepared lobsters for dinner.
I was working on a big claw, and it cracked open suddenly, which (none of the following is exaggerated) resulted in really hot, frothy, white lobster substance ejecting somewhat violently from the claw, splattering on my hand, arm, shirt, and face.
The real tragedy is that I was in the company of my parents, grandmother, sister, and brother-in-law, i.e. no one with whom to make a dirty joke about it. Which makes me kinda sad.

Supplementary Material
The title of this blog entry comes from a word joke (I was going to call it a pun, but it isn't really) that my Filipino friend at Price Chopper, Peter, once said to me. The store was selling lobsters as a special sale, and I guess maybe due to his Filipino accent, Peter had trouble differentiating between the 'b' and 'v' sounds? So to him, "lobster" sounds like "lovester." So, as a [pretty lame] joke, he asked me, "Are you going to buy a hate-ster?"
But I'm a big fan of lame jokes, and appreciated it all the same.

Serial Testickicker in Langley, BC

2009-11-02T00:18:00.004-05:00

I just read an article about this 22 year old guy in BC who was randomly kicked by a strange woman.
In the balls.
Really hard.
So hard that, afterwards, he realised that one of his balls was MISSING.

According to the article, the doctors first thought that his ball had gone up INSIDE HIM from the sheer force of the kick, which is fucking brutal already. They later discovered that it had, in fact, RUPTURED. OH GOD.
Apparently there have been several similar incidents in recent weeks, and police are investigating.

I wonder if hero cops are arguing about this.
"I'M heading the Serial Ballkicker case, NOT YOU, MURPHY."

Weird Dreams I've Been Having Lately

2009-09-25T18:26:00.002-04:00

attending some kind of Chinese Mafia wedding
being chased through Chinatown by a guy who was pretty much like the Russell Wong character in Romeo Must Die
stealing a bus, abandoning it at Sherbourne/Dundas, walking away casually
hot dirty dream featuring sexy goth triplets
video of Jocelyn and me doing bad karaoke hits the Internet, turning us into Youtube celebrities

Blue Niiiight

2009-09-19T03:47:00.003-04:00

Tonight, while heading home on the bus, Mark and I sat down next to this drunk Aboriginal-looking dude in an M. Bison costume. He was saying something to me, but I didn't immediately understand what it was that he was saying.

It sounded like, "Cool off." I thought he wanted me to move away from him because I was sitting too close. "Cool off," he said again.

After a couple of minutes, I realised he had said, "Cool outfit." But I had taken too long to understand him and it was far too late to say, "Thank you," so I didn't. I felt kinda bad. Partly because I had failed to acknowledge him, and partly because my outfit was not that cool.

He later got off the bus, and in the vacant seat he left next to me, Mark and I spied a small puddle, complemented by additional drops of liquid. Mark convinced me that it was vomit, over my original hypothesis that perhaps it was urine. I prefer to believe it was puke, but not by a lot.

2009-09-04T12:21:00.002-04:00

I suddenly really want Life With Louie on DVD. It does not exist, which is kind of a bummer.

What kind of scum am I?

2009-08-14T00:48:00.002-04:00

Today I finished my HTML assignment, which was to design a web menu for a made-up restaurant. I finished it while drunk at 6:30 pm. So on the one hand, I feel kind of sleazy and lame, but on the other, I feel like 'hell yeah, I did that shit while drunk.' I didn't have any adjectives for that.

500 Days of Summer confused me

2009-07-18T11:53:00.005-04:00

Now, let me say, I liked it. It was a well-crafted film, coherent, certainly not confusing due to any plot problems or technical things. But check this out:

Separated at birth? (this is an expression I invented, to describe two unrelated people who look similar)

Because I am unfamiliar with the actor who played Mackenzie, and because apparently I can't tell white people apart, I sat there the entire time sort of wondering, "Is that M. Ward?" For those who don't know, M. Ward is the singer-songwriter dude that works with with Zooey Deschanel pretty frequently. I thought maybe it was like, one of those fun Hollywood inside-joke things where they get their friends to be in their movies or something. The only way I can tell who is who in the above image is because you can kind of see the microphone, and you can tell from the nature of the left photograph that it's a sort of pretentious musician photo.
But seriously, Google image them. They look pretty much the same.

Anyway, that guy was funny. I liked him. I wish he was my friend.

2009-07-15T16:18:00.003-04:00

I sometimes think about elderly famous people and how they're likely to die sooner or later, but I'm never quite ready for it. Frank McCourt is sick and apparently likely to die within a few weeks. I really don't think he had another book in him, but it still makes me sad.

FALSEbook

2009-07-06T22:59:00.004-04:00

Facebook keeps on recommending that I add this random woman as a friend. I don't have any friends in common with her. Why does it want me to be her friend so badly? How does this work? I don't get it.

The title is not clever. I apologise.

i'd hop an ocean liner

2009-06-29T00:39:00.002-04:00

My blog friend says I do not blog enough, so here is another entry.

This is a clip of a video we watched in jazz history. There was a lot of stuff we heard in that course that I couldn't get into, but this is really mesmerizing. It's even a little addictive, I watch it over and over again. The commentary near the end is hilarious. Stanley Crouch, I have no idea who you are or what you do, but you are awesome.

I will use italicized square brackets to provide more context in run-on sentences

2009-06-28T19:18:00.005-04:00

A few weeks ago in Media And Communications [a lame class where we look at newspapers and magazines and learn how to write news articles the way we did when we were in junior high so what the hell am I doing learning this as a 22-year-old, my god, this is so incredibly community college, but the teacher is reasonably cool, she rides a motorcycle and is young and hip and I like her pants], this girl in my class [who is unbelievably stupid, but I try not to hate her for it because it's not like it's her fault that she's dumb, but honestly it's frustrating sometimes because she'll have these little bursts of defiance where she thinks she is courageously challenging what the teacher is telling us, but really she's just being a big idiot] was saying how, oh it's so terrible the way newspapers go on and on about a celebrity when they die, but they don't talk about normal people that way, and how come nobody cares when someone you never heard of dies? She was making a very impassioned speech about it, how society's so evil, and what's wrong with people, oh god.

But it's not evil. There's nothing evil about it. You're allowed to care about the death of somebody you never met, because maybe their work inspired you or touched you or was with you during some significant part of your life and you remember that, and it reminds you of something lovely or something heartbreaking and that's important to you.
You're allowed to not go to pieces over somebody you never heard of, because if you really cared that much about every human being on earth, you'd be miserable all the time.
It's not a reflection of how evil and superficial and uncaring society is. It's an emotional response that makes perfect sense.

Michael Jackson is dead and everyone is sick of hearing about it. But I think I'm allowed to feel a wee bit sad about it, even though I wasn't a particularly big fan and I didn't know him. I'm not saying I'm crying about it or I'm running out to buy all his CDs or I'm thinking about it every second or I'm reading about his life on Wikipedia, and I'm not defending those people. I just feel a little sad and surprised and I really wasn't expecting this. I've heard some really callous things being said by the more cynical people, and to be honest, it's kind of annoying, because I feel like I'm being lumped in with those tools who are running out to buy all his albums now that he's dead, and that's not who I am. I'm sure somebody has something to say about me writing this at all, but fuck it, I haven't ranted in a good while.

To me, it just feels strange and sad when someone like him, who has been present for my entire existence, just kicks the bucket without any warning. I'm not devastated. But the world feels slightly different each time something like this happens.

You know, as a kid, his music really touched me. And if he hadn't died, I'm sure he would have touched my kids too.
Alright, I did totally steal that joke from School of Rock. And it was inappropriate.

!

2009-06-01T19:38:00.002-04:00

How is it that I've never heard of this game until today?

Cue up to 1:57, so awesome.

lmbo!!!!@!!1

2009-05-23T18:26:00.002-04:00

I was looking through the Facebook profile of this shy, quiet guy that I knew in junior high, who has since become super religious (or maybe he always was, and is just more vocal about it now). For a while I got about two invites a day from him, to join some Christianity-oriented Facebook group.

So yeah I was looking through his pictures and stuff, and noticed that, instead of "lmao," he uses the acronym "lmbo" in his comments.
I can only assume this means "laughing my balls off."

Bus Moron

2009-05-20T17:28:00.004-04:00

This morning on the bus, there was a moron.
I think he fancied himself very eloquent and far more intelligent than he really was, which is basically one of the worst types of morons. The more I heard him spewing to his female companion, the more I wanted one of us to die. Among numerous other things I wish I could purge from my brain, I learned that his name was Trevor. He was skinny with glasses, spikey blonde hair, and big teeth. Here are some choice quotes from this bus ride.

"I hate Jehovah's Witnesses. I like to talk to them in different accents to mess with them. I love having fun with people!"
-Trevor the Moron

"You know that song, 'And All That Jazz'? I rewrote my own lyrics to that. I'm so vocal. The way I talk, you'd probably think I was one of those people who'd start a revolution."
-Trevor the Moron

"Well, I'm a guy. So lesbians don't really bother me as much as gay men."
-Trevor the Moron

I started watching this on YouTube last night. I don't even know what it is, but it's kinda creepy. I thought it didn't bother me but then I had nightmares for the first time in I don't know how long. The content of the nightmares were unrelated, but it was upsetting. I hate waking up from a nightmare and finding out you haven't really woken up yet.

May and Owen at the office

2009-05-09T01:04:00.003-04:00

Owen: [chuckles]
May: Are you laughing at the fetus pictures?
Owen: No.
May: ...me neither.

I guess this is less funny without context. But there really wasn't much else to it. I thought it was hilarious at the time.

Big Daddy!

2009-05-07T23:36:00.002-04:00

I think the boss dude in the McDonald's Mac Wrap commercial is the guy who was the big black zombie in Land of the Dead.
I think that is awesome.
Exclamation mark, exclamation mark. Colon, capital D.

2009-05-04T14:19:00.001-04:00

I think barbecue sauce on pizza is wrong.

HULLO MOTO

2009-04-22T14:43:00.003-04:00

I like my new phone.
My first phone was a Motorola, and then it broke, and then I had a Nokia for about a year. Now I have a Motorola again but a different one. But it has similar interface and fonts as my old phone, which makes me feel slightly nostalgic. This is a little lame. Oh well.

Today I made an omelette with chili garlic sauce and goat cheese. A bit too much goat cheese but I enjoyed it thoroughly!

I've also been eating a lot of ice cream. And cookies. A lot of food in general.

To sum up, this post is about my new phone and what a piggie I am.

RASCSCSCISMSM

2009-03-13T00:43:00.000-04:00

iRIP

2009-03-09T00:29:00.002-04:00

I think my iPod is actually completely dead.
How did I ever get along without you?
It's going to be a long way to school tomorrow.
FUCK. :(

Go away evil spirits

2009-03-01T23:50:00.003-05:00

My mom was doing this strange thing where she was standing in front of a closed bedroom door and stretching her arms up and placing her palms flat against the door and rubbing the door. I was confused by this. She explained that she was doing this to exercise her shoulders because her muscles were getting sore. I honestly thought she had started doing some strange kind of new age spiritual bedroom-blessing or something.

I was just looking at my blog entry from about a month ago. "I may have wrote about this already, I don't remember." I may have wrote? I MAY HAVE WROTE? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE BRING THIS TO MY ATTENTION? I may have wrote. God damn it. I don't know why but this seems like a really glaring error and it makes me ashamed. FUCK.

What sorcery is this?

2009-02-25T20:51:00.002-05:00

I was thinking it would be fun to dress up in 18th century clothing and walk around acting really confused and looking at things like traffic lights and automobiles and such, and saying things like "HORSELESS CARRIAGES, WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!" But it was really early in the morning when I thought of this. It seemed less funny as I woke up more fully.

I was black last night

2009-02-22T10:28:00.003-05:00

I had this bizarre dream where I was participating in a social experiment where I had like super extreme make-up to make me look like I was a small black woman. So in my dream, I woke up and went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror, and I shrieked! Because I had forgotten that I was a small black woman.

Rickroll Avenue

2009-02-21T12:24:00.003-05:00

Oh, hi guys!

When I'm on the bus and the lady computer voice announces the stops, I frequently hear them wrong. And I mean ridiculously wrong. The other day, I thought I heard "Rickroll Avenue." I looked up at the sign and it read "Britwell Avenue." NICELY DONE, OWEN.

My house is currently empty. It makes me want to order awesome food and enjoy it ALL BY MYSELF. Because this is how I combat loneliness: food and porn. But never together, I think that's weird.

Darren was amazing last night. If you didn't see it, that's actually a real genuine tragedy. I got like seven boners in twenty seconds. Srsly.

My iPod is getting sad.

2009-02-11T23:43:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago I dropped my iPod Nano in a dirty puddle. It may have been this or numerous other drops or the accumulation of drops, but my iPod is getting worse every day. It no longer plays properly unless I apply specific pressure to the lower right corner of it. Depending on how I apply this pressure, it might:

1. Play properly
2. Cut out the left ear
3. Do this strange thing where all I hear is low thudding and bass, while midrange and high end is cut out
4. Not play at all

I thought it was my headphones at first, but it really isn't. :(

The High Five Game

2009-01-31T23:02:00.002-05:00

We've been trying to get Dorian to give us high fives. Over and over and over. He's been kinda reaching for and grabbing hands, which is good enough for us. My mom was just doing it, actually. She puts up her hand and says, "Dorian, give me five!" and we wait a bit. And my mother's hand moves a little, to get his attention. And we wait. And he reaches for my mother's hand and grabs it, and right then, EVERYONE GOES NUTS! YAYY! YAAAAAYY YAHAHAA! HAAAAY! And there is applause and people are jumping up and down!

And then we do it again. :)

Blog for the hell of it.

2009-01-28T23:16:00.002-05:00

Has it been a week already? Damn. I thought I was doing so well with this blog. I have nothing entertaining to talk about. I was thinking, What did I do today? And immediately, my instinct was to complain about the fucking TTC, because it sucked so bad today. Boring. I saw the Wrestler today. It was good but anybody who has watched five minutes of TV in the last two months could probably tell you that.

Sometimes I smell my own hair. Freshly washed, greasy as hell, whatever. Having long hair enables me to do this, so I do it. I like doing it.

I finally got some Nutella; May strongly suggested that I try it a long time ago. This morning I had it on some toast. I don't know if that's how you're supposed to do it but that's what the picture on the jar appears to be of, so that's what I did. I liked it. Sweet. Smooth. Less spreadable than I had thought it would be.

Let's move right along so that Darren doesn't say anything vulgar about that last bit.

There are a lot of presentations I have to do for school. I think almost every class has a presentation. I hate presentations. They make me nervous and shakey, more so. I may have wrote about this already, I don't remember. Somebody did a presentation on Asperger's syndrome today. It made me wish that I had some kind of diagnosable problem so that I could blame my shortcomings on something besides just being a lame guy.

I think I'm done for now.

Watch your dick,

Owen

I Am Procrastinating.

2009-01-22T20:37:00.003-05:00

I have a stupid assignment due tomorrow. It is a report on the A/V equipment available at school. It is worth zero percent of final grade. This alone makes me not want to do it, but douchey course instructor insists we should.
I was exempted from taking English, which is awesome. Glad to have less stupid shit on my course load.

Nephew Dorian is funny. He laughs any time we say the word "uncle" in my grandma's crazy grandma dialect. He is slowly learning to respond appropriately when we say, "Gimme five, Dorian!"

This girl who is in all of my classes is my friend now because she started talking to me on the bus, and she talks a lot, which is good because I don't know how to talk a lot like she does. She talks at high speeds about friends and family, and it's literally impossible for me to keep track of who is who because there are so many people in her life that she tells me about, but the stories are mostly at least mildly entertaining. Much of the time, I don't know how to respond properly in a conversational way, so I just smile or laugh a little. My face starts to hurt from artificial-smiling too much after a while. Social interaction and I are not the best of friends.

Trudy was pinching my elbow with a hairclip. She said "Doesn't that hurt?"
I said, "No, it's annoying."
Then she said, "No. You know what's annoying?"

Then, slowly, calmly, she put the hairclip on, and stood up.

"SNAP ATTACK!" She then commenced waving her hands around my face, snapping her fingers over and over again. I like that motherhood has not yet demanded that she mature too much.

I meant to start this stupid assignment an hour ago. Fawwwk.

2009-01-17T09:21:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I listened to Bright Eyes' "Landlocked Blues" for the first time, and pretty much spent all day with it. I think it's amazing.

Penis Oil

2009-01-10T16:18:00.004-05:00

This middle-aged Chinese guy at work named Jack has a bit of a lispy Chinese accent. So it was quite humourous today when he asked me if I knew whether or not we carried peanut oil. I bravely resisted the urge to laugh in his face, because I'm a gigantic asshole but I pretend that I'm not.

Beans were a bad choice.

2009-01-08T09:57:00.003-05:00

That's all.

I didn't like Darren for five minutes last night.

2009-01-03T11:52:00.001-05:00

Last night on MSN, Darren made me feel like a dinosaur for still being on Xanga. He was being such a DICK. So I'm taking this opportunity to act like a bitch about it. Thanks Darren, for making me cave. I am now here, because everyone knows having fewer than three blogs is uncivilised.

This morning I listened to Empty Cell by Rusty, which I hadn't heard in probably more than ten years. And last night I saw an Everclear video on MuchMoreRetro, from the same year. I think I kind of miss 1997. I liked that time on Six Feet Under when Nate said, "You can't take a picture of this; it's already gone." TRU DAT!

Ok this Show is kinda shitty so far. Sorry!