Thursday, August 4, 2011

Nipple Skulls Boy vs. Erection in the Shower Boy

I got a cheap tremolo pedal on eBay.
My guitar is being repaired and I am anxious to get it back so I can play with my new toy.
I want to get a cool Boss loopy thing also. LOOPING.
I've never been excited about guitar pedals before but I am now. Eeep.

I just found an unpublished entry from June 17:
"I had a funny dream where I was dancing to brassy music with Zooey Deschanel in my basement. It was amazing, obviously."
This was the whole entry. I wish I could remember more. Sounds like a good time was had, although I don't remember having to sneak the sheets down to the washer when I woke up, so how good could it have been? You tease, Zooey.

They taught us all about wet dreams - which are also called "nocturnal emissions," if you want to be all proper about it - in elementary school. I don't remember what they said, but there was a pamphlet called "Changes" that they gave to us kids. It was brilliant. There was a section with questions that were purportedly from REAL KIDS, who asked things like, "In the gym shower, I noticed that Charlie has a bigger penis than me. Does that make him more of a man than I am?" It was also full of lies like, "all penises are about the same length when they are erect," and, "don't worry if you have a boner teepee in your trousers, nobody else will even notice." What a crock!

This reminds me of an incident where, on a class camping trip in sixth grade, I was lined up for the shower and had a boner FOR NO REASON I SWEAR. Anyway it was very apparent because I was wrapped in only a towel (so it wasn't like wearing jeans, in which case you can blame the folding of the denim) and I had to choose between standing up straight and hoping nobody would notice my perpendicular pal, or bending over awkwardly in order to conceal, which would almost be more telling. I think I went back and forth nervously between the two options. Luckily, my classmates and teacher were distracted by the temporary skull tattoos that I had, in a moment that was at once devoid of foresight yet ultimately a good decision, applied to my nipples several days prior to the beginning of the trip. So I was known as nipple skulls boy rather than erection in the shower boy, which I think is a good compromise, in terms of things you want to be called in sixth grade.